"Take my hand, I'll lead you away from here." Those were the words that came to me in my first dream of Rafe. I was standing at the edge of a long walkway at the end there was Rafe and brilliant light. At first, I thought I was dying, it took me twenty or more years to understand that it was my heart that was breaking, not my life ending. There were so many things going wrong in my young world at that time, one day I'll be brave enough to speak about those things, but that's not today. He was my salvation in more ways that I can explain. I hope you enjoy this walk through the memories that brought Rafe to life.
I looked toward him in fear, wanting to escape the reality that was life and still afraid to take the steps forward that would bring us together. There was something so compelling about the look in his eyes, and I was drawn to the warmth. In the dream world, actions aren't ruled by sensibility, so I took the chance and made my way to him. The moment my hand touched his, I was transported to a world that I've tried to describe in my book. Darkness always surrounded this strange place, but in my mind it was a welcoming night that allowed me to hide away from the reality which was even darker.
If I close my eyes now I can still see the cobblestone walkway that led to his castle. Smell the light aroma of fresh roses, and feel the slight breeze that blew across my cheeks, all of this was part of his world. The dim light of torches that guided our way, only gave a shadowed glimpse of his beautiful face. I knew what he was thinking without words, and he knew my heart better than my closest friend. All the secrets I hid from the outside world and the pain that I refused to share, he kept guarded within his thoughts.
Hours we would spend exploring his world and the inner walls of his castle, and I would take home a peace that rarely touched my reality. At the end of every visit, he would ask me to stay. He reminded me often that there was no need to return to that world which would never understand me or love me as deeply as he did. I always returned home though, there was a part of me that knew I had work to complete, and that by remaining with him I was giving up. The sadness in his eyes as I left him, it gave me hope that I was worthy of love and gave me strength to face the real world.
The years went by, and life being what it is, moved on. The pain of those young adolescent years' ended and new love and life was born. Smiles and tears were a part of my existence but never the agony of the past that was so overwhelming it brought Rafe into my life. He was truly my knight in shining armor, as cliche as it might be. Over the years he never left me, and when things weren't going right and fear embraced me, at night he would come back to me in the dreams. The choice was always there to remain with him or work through the problems I was going through. There was something so reassuring about knowing there was always an out.
Over the years I've called him my guardian angel, spirit guide, and even just a part of my subconscious that helps me make it through the trials that we all must go through. I'm not even sure there is a name for what he truly is, and if there is, I'm not completely sure I want to know. For me, Rafe is my piece of mind and the reason I don't fear the unknown. When my time on this earth has ended, deep in my soul, I know he'll be waiting to guide me. I think in this world we are all given gifts to help us live our lives, and Rafe was my gift.