Blood Suckers Unite
Tears of Crimson is proud to bring you a solution to your 2012 political dilemma, Vote Vampire! Yes we suck, but we freely admit it and take pride in our past history. Scandal? We scrub the minds of our victims clean, so the only thing you'll uncover in our past is a long line of happy customers, ready to serve when duty calls. It's a patriotic duty that every American will enjoy doing their part for, even if it's not willingly at first. We don't lie and talk about how we can help our constituents, so ask not what we can do for you, get over here kneel at the throne and serve with pride!
As vampires, we do not discriminate! Black, White, Gay, Straight, Male, Female, your blood tastes great to us and we accept all donations in the spirit of which they are given! We won't even promise not to suck you dry, under our control you can know up front that we plan on taking everything and using it for our benefit. We'll even make you think you enjoy it as it happens.
Global Warming? With vampires in office you won't even have to wonder if there is a climate change. Our first priority is to block out the sun, and we know that without the sun temperatures will rapidly decrease and that global warming will be a thing of the past. Since vampires don't need automobiles, rising gas prices and carbon footprints will be a thing of the past! Most of the human race will be turned, except those that we need to feed on, so poverty and hunger will be eliminated.
The housing market? No worries there with Vampires running the White House, we will make the humans we don't turn live in our dungeons, therefore putting an end to all need for housing, therefore eliminating the problem! My Fellow Americans, do not fear, all the problems that currently conflict your mind will be erased when you serve with blind faith under our compelling, your fears can now be put to rest! United by blood, lust, and passion that is our creed. And women, we have the solution to your concerns since vampires don't breed there is no longer any need for worry about contraception.
In 2012 we think America needs big change, and no more BS! We won't lie and tell you how we're going to make the world a better place for you, and freely admit it's all about our needs! It's time for Washington to elect a race that can solve all our political debates, gender inequalities, monetary issues, green dilemmas, and failed economic policies! In short it's time for Vampires!
In 2012 Vote Vampire - We Suck and Proudly Admit It!