Two nights ago a dream found it's way into my night that changed my perception of reality once again. I share this dream with you because it hopefully will give you an insight into why the Tears of Crimson series came to be. I've said in a few interviews how the first book came from dreams I've had since I was fifteen year old girl, and also made reference to how these dreams have stayed with me over the years. That being said, this last dream has really made me think differently about everything. It's a little long so bare with me.
Before the dream I actually had a conversation with God, and please don't get offended I understand that many of my readers aren't religious. I don't see God as most people see him and while I could get into that I think it's best I leave my religious belief between myself and my deity. So in this conversation with God it was like a normal conversation you would have between you and your best friend. I apologized for not praying for a long time and it was a pretty long conversation. This is where things get a little strange. As I was praying, I'm assuming I fell asleep. It had been a really long day and I was just really exhausted so this makes sense to me.
So as I'm having this talk with God he informs me that Rafe has missed me and is still waiting for me to come home. Rafe takes over the conversation and asks me if I've had enough of my walk on earth this time. I'm not sure if I'm dreaming at this point because I'm really confused about what he's talking about. He reminds me of our time spent at home which is the place I write of as Singe Tsigan in my book. But instead of the darkened world where we normally go in my dreams this world is filled with light, waterfalls, and beautiful scenery and I can actually remember walking with him there.
Rafe goes on to tell me that he never visits the human world because he's never felt the need to go. He reminds me that I grew bored with all the perfection of the world we shared and was always looking for a new challenge and this is why I wanted to come back in a human world to feel the emotions that others had on earth. He tells me that he misses me while I'm away and wishes that I would return to him so we can be can be together again.
In his world we don't experience the same kind of passion that is found in the human realm because everything is mental. He explains to me that I crave those things and it's another reason I chose to return again and again to the human world. He goes on to tell me he doesn't like it when I form a relationship with another and that I have given my mortal husband children and those were my gifts to him. Again he asks me when I'm going to return to him. As in every dream I've ever had of Rafe he holds out his hand waiting for me to take it and return back where I belong which is with him.
The dream always ends that way and the other night was no different. As soon as I tell him I'm not ready to come with him yet, I wake up. The difference in that dream two nights ago is I woke up feeling completely recharged. I have been dealing with some annoying little health issues lately that are personal and I won't get into them and for the first time in months I actually felt better. My energy level was through the roof and I wrote more than I have in the last two months. It's the strangest feeling to actually feel all the worries that have been seeping through my mind just dissipate and a peace surrounding me that I haven't felt in years.
I know these dreams are probably going to seem very far out to most of you that read this but I'm so use to having these kind of dreams that they are almost normal to me. The first night that Rafe came to me was a dream so vivid that I can still remember it in perfect detail all these years later. I have tried not to dissect my dreams because it would drive me crazy if I tried to rationalize them. Those dreams are what make me write and also the one thing that helps me make it through the daily struggles of real life.
So I hope you enjoyed a glimpse inside my dream world. As long as the dreams continue I'll continue to write about Rafe. And for those of you that might be worrying about my everyday life, let me just say that I have a perfect grip on reality even if my head is in the clouds when I surrender to the fantasies of my nightly dreams. I just had to say that because I know someone out there is going to read this and think I need a straight jacket *giggling*
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